Our house is currently on #teamnosleep.

That’s because a little over two months ago, my six month old decided he would really just like to spend the nights cuddling with Mom. Sometimes I’d get three hours before the sobs would come. My whole body would jolt and I’d hold so still. Poised to get up but praying, praying he was just crying out in his sleep.

Maybe it would stop. Barely breathing, I would wait.

On a bad night, it would almost be hourly. I’m tempted to get some sort of sleep tracking device, but keep holding off because I am pretty sure the results would just make me depressed.

Oh, gee. I got a full twenty-five minutes last night. Kidding, not kidding. Sometimes I wonder if I actually fall asleep between cry sessions.

I know what you’re thinking. “Well if she would just [insert baby advice here], he would sleep.”

You’re probably right. I’m probably doing it all wrong. In fact, most days I’m pretty sure I am. But people, this “new Mom life” is hard! Every trick, thumbing through books, and listening to advice from all my wise mom friends (who make it look way too easy), isn’t cutting it for me.

Honestly, I don’t know how ya’ll do it.

To top it off, my husband is deployed. Set aside that it crushes me to have my other half thousands of miles away, it also means…..no reprieve in the night when the baby sobs cut through those crib bars.

Sleep deprivation does weird things to people. Upon regaining communication with my husband after about a ten day military exercise, I found myself becoming jealous. He had been sleeping on a tank. In the cold. He sent pictures of his grey fingers, covered in early frostbite. They ate MREs and I didn’t even want to think about how long it had been since he showered.

Yet our little brown-haired, blue-eyed, cherub baby had me convinced my husband had the better end of the deal for those ten days.

I’m still working on this whole mom thing. I’ve got a long ways to go. Thank goodness our son is forgiving of my inexperience. He gives me enough slobbery kisses, toothy smiles, nighttime nursing sessions, and sweet morning cuddles to soften the blow of my crumbling physical and mental health.

I pray to God each day for peace, strength, and humility on this journey.

And at night I pray, please, please, please fall back asleep.

Disclaimer: Written while in a state of baby induced sleep deprivation. Author can’t be held accountable for all the run on sentences and errors in grammar.